FML

I am such a horrible person.
But I hate him.
I hate him for having the opportunities to get help, to get someone to listen to him, to get the chance to get better.
Goddammit, I deserve better than feeling like this.

I shouldn't be jealous of someone for attempting suicide.
I shouldn't envy them.
I shouldn't hate someone for doing what I am too afraid to do.
But I do.

I already know I'm a terrible person, but damn. I want to get better I don't want to feel like this.